Question:

I’m looking for a Dom. I have several internet sites i use to post a profile ad. How do I weed out the fuckwits?

Answer:

First of all, i recommend being very clear in your profile who you are and be clear as to what/who you are looking for. You can’t get what/who you want unless you know exactly what/whom that is. "What" being what kind of relationship, the perimeters, the content you are looking for. What it is that would make you excited to be in this relationship? "Who" being the qualities of a person you require. Some qualities are more important than others, be clear with yourself where you are willing to compromise. An intelligent, talented, witty man who is 5’10" instead of 6′ tall is still dateable in my book.

i am left questioning if are you looking for a Dom or a boyfriend who will be your Dom also? This is a very important difference. i am going to answer how to sort out Doms with experience versus those who have watched a video and said yahoo!

Look at it as a job interview. Ask questions. This is my personal list of questions when i’m interviewing for a Master:

thank you for your inquery.

If it pleases you to know me, Please send a picture.

If it pleases you to know me, please tell me:

How did you get into "the scene"?

(i look to see if they met someone or watched a video)

How long have you been in "the scene"?

(i look to see if they watched a video last week, last year, or did they apprentice with a Master or have been looking/exploring for 20 years.)

What is in your Toy Bag?

(i look to see if what they list is thumpy, hurty, shocky, bindy, pinchy or are there any sensual toys mentioned. Also, if they respond saying "what is a toy bag?" – just stop reading and go to the next prospect.)

What is your favorite weapon of choice?

(i look to see if it is a cane, because i’m special that way – you pick your favorite)

Do you have other submissives/slaves? If so, how many and what is your relationship with them?

(Ultimately, it only matters what your relationship with this person is. i like to know the frying pan i’m jumping into though and whether there are flames i’d like to avoid.)

If you are looking for a more rounded relationship, i suggest some questions like:

Your maritial status is?

Are you emotionally available?

What are your interests and passions outside of BDSM?

What would you like to share with me outside BDSM?

What makes your heart sing?

What moves your spirit?

For me, out of 900 responses for an ad on collarme dot com in three days, this eliminated the qualifying prospects to four. At this point the interview is over.

By the time you are on your first date, the conversation should be flowing and casual, asking about Him, what makes Him tick, topics that interest you and telling Him about you.

Best of luck in finding the Dom who is a good fit for you. Be patient.

~a