Earlier this year I filmed “Clown Fetish” with Steve on “Gigalos”.

While I was putting on Steve’s make-up, I saw Health Ledger’s face before me, as in “Batman”, made up as The Joker. It was disturbingly sexy to be attracted to that image. Naughty, not right, taboo, yet he was so handsome and Steve had that same GQ face, which brought it together for me. Having hot sex with a body that was steamy hot, not a person, not about connecting with a spirit, just hot sex based on physical attraction. And the face isn’t part of it, it isn’t about being with that person.

Making a clown a sexual object is playing with a taboo. A clown is supposed to be a funny entertainer. A fetishist sees a clown as a sexual desired object.

There is a paradox that happens in this fetish because when a clown face is drawn on you, you must find that part of you that lives not dependent on your image. When you are pretty, how do you be you without being pretty? What else do you have in the card deck? You must face the question, Is it more important to be pretty or to have fun and play?

I have not actually seen the episode. I was there though. I saw what actually happened, felt it, lived it.

August 31st Showtime TV aired its premier episode for its new third season. I am in that episode. I am on the opening credits for the entire season placing a red clown nose on Steve.

Since I was at BurningMan during the premier, I am only now getting feedback on my work. Why yes, I do hope you find me sexy. That is what I am selling. (:

even when doing a clown.