Question:

How do I get my Daddy to take up learning how do to all that great rope bondage I see in bdsm pics without sounding like I want him to please me?

Little_subbie_grl

Answer:

You don’t. Lol. However, there are ways to ask to explore experiences you haven’t been privy too.
I’ve used three tactics I will share with you.

1) If you attend clubs with your Dom and there is someone who knows how to do rope bondage there and you are watching that person perform, you may ask your Dom:
“That looks lovely, Sir. Would You consider letting me be tied up by the Dom performing rope bondage so that I can experience rope bondage, Sir?”

This gives him choices. He can say yes. He can say no. He becomes aware that you are interested in this activity and does something to include it in your play or ignores it.

2) Ask your Dom if you may discuss your play list. If He says yes, show your Dom a photograph of rope bondage you would like to experience. I suggest following this idea with idea #3.

3) Tribute Gift your Dom with a manual on rope bondage, a good sharp pair of bandage scissors or knife and rope. You may be forward and include a note that you give yourself to him to be completely available to practice on whenever your Dom wishes to practice.

Here are some sources for you:

Manuals:

The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori, Craig Morey (Photographer)

Erotic Bondage: The Art of Rope by Edward Lee (Photographer), Alphonse De Loys (Photographer)

Bondage for Sex by Chanta Rose

Shibari You Can Use by Bridgett Harrington

Jay Wiseman’s Erotic Bondage Handbook by Jay Wiseman
Online Tutorials:

http://www.kikkou.com/

http://www.bdsm-chicago.com/cram/CRAM_links.html

http://www.bdsm-chicago.com/cram/CRAM_tuts.html

http://www.japanrope.com/tutorial.html

Rope:

http://www.rainbowrope.com/

http://www.twistedmonk.com/

http://www.stockroom.com/Cotton-Bondage-Rope

Knots:

http://www.animatedknots.com/index.php?LogoImage=LogoGrog.jpg&Website=www.animatedknots.com

Tip for Submissives before doing rope bondage: Stretch all of your body muscles in advance. Muscle cramps suck in bondage.

Question:

I was taken to a BDSM play party by a friend. I liked it. I am interested in playing. How do I know which side to play on?

William

Answer:

This is not an easy question to answer. There isn’t any formula to follow or a test to take. There is no lazy man’s answer or guidelines to follow.

First of all, I believe that participating in the BDSM lifestyle is a calling. The song sings to you or it doesn’t. If it doesn’t, continue being vanilla. There is nothing wrong or bad regarding being vanilla.

I’m wondering what your dreams and fantasies are? Ever tie up your friends? Ever ask to be tied up? Ever found yourself being bad to get a spanking? Ever spank your sex partner out of instinct? What do you imagine as a scenerio when you are masterbating?

When you were at the play party, what interested you? Were you more drawn to the person flogging another person or did you relate more to the person being caned? How did you feel about the person barking in the cage? Did you want a pet of your own to command?

If you don’t know the answers to these questions, I suggest that you attend a few more bdsm play parties and observe your reactions and feelings more. You could also find a Dom or Domnia that in private session will arrange for you to experience both sides and see which one you like best and what rocks your world.

For me, being a submissive is self-serving. I have a need to serve others. I need pain and I need someone to inflict pain on me. I need and crave discipline. It calls to me. I am grateful to have a Dom allow me to serve Him. The whip sings a song that brings me to my knees and I kiss the boots of the man whom commands the whip, for He is being so gracious as to give me the opportunity to be there used by Him. i ask permission to kiss His boot to display my honor of Him and i give gifts of tribute to Him.

i had a conversation with a Dom who has been in the scene as long as i, someone i have served and respect his perspective on the bdsm lifestyle about your question and His answer was:

I think it’s something that’s just hardwired into
someone’s personality. Probably the easiest way for
someone to figure out which side they lean toward is
to examine their fantasy lives. In their fantasies,
they will assume the role that is right for them. If
they are honest enough with themselves to accept and
recognise what it is, they answer their own question.
Oh, and remember, this isn’t necessarily a binary
scenario. It’s more than possible to be both dominant
*and* submissive under different circumstances, and
with different partners. There are really no shortage
of Switches out there…

-E-

It really comes down to you doing the soul searching. No one can do it for you. There isn’t any easy answer. You must look within yourself and be honest.

Be safe. have fun!

~a

Question:

My Dom instructed me to put together a toy bag for myself. What should I include in it?

Joyce

Answer:

i’m of the view point that i belong to Master and i am His most valuable toy. Therefore what I have in my sub Toy Bag is…

For safety and hygiene:

i think having your own insertables is a must.

Dildos, vibrators, eggs, smart balls, benwa balls, double dong, all your toys for cunt and ass.

i wash mine in an antibacterial soap and rinse with mouthwash and let them dry. Then i wrap them separately in saran wrap. Not only is the mouthwash an extra bacteria killer, when your Dom shoves it down your throat it tastes good.

Tip: a mouthwash douche is a good refreshing surprise also.

Rope

I have nylon and hemp rope in my bag. It is used for my crotch harness. You don’t know where the rope in your partner’s bag has been or when it has been washed last.

Cane, Crop, Floggers, Clothespins, 9-volt battery, Stun Gun

These items are used in my private parts. i throw clothespins out after use unless they are the rubber tipped ones I wash and repack.

Restraints and blindfold

i am petite. The regular sized items are too big for me, so i have custom made items in my bag.

Ball Gag and Ring Gag

These go in my mouth; therefore, I prefer to know whose mouth they were in. I prefer only mine because of cold sores or other mouth related transfers.

I also have

my favorite brand of Lube (giant bottle)

mouthwash
hair grooming tools
antiseptic (such as bactine)
alcohol and roll of paper towels to wash furniture off (before and after)
toothbrush
wet wipes
condoms
nail clippers

gallon size zip lock bags for used toys to be placed in

in my toy bag

It is my point of view that the Dom is not solely responsible for stocking the toybag. This is a shared activity, and there isn’t any good reason for me not to contribute. Selecting toys i like gives my play partner a good idea of where to start with me. It also insures the quality of toys that are used on me.

Fun Toys:

i have various nipple clamps, handcuffs, silk scarves, weights for the nipple/clit clamps and a dressage whip in my toy bag.

When i’m off to a bdsm play party or playing casually, having my own toy bag ensures there’s a good selection of Instruments of Doom available to use on my eager hide.

When asked to play with a partner, I would present and offer everything in my toy bag to my partner. i would ask that personal items be taken from my bag to be played with on me, if He choses to play with this type of toy. Fun toys, I would offer them but not ask they be used on me nor would i say how they were to be used.

Be safe. Have fun!

~a

Question:

I really must say for a woman of 50 you really look
young for your age. How do you look so young and
radiant at 50?

Not a line hun just an observation.

Keep up the good work,

Larry

Answer:

Thank you for the kind words.

If you really want to know…..

i excercise every day i can. i hike a mountain for over an hour. if i’m stuck in the house, i do sit ups, push ups and wash the floors on my hands and knees (scrub right hand/rinse – wipe off left hand).

i eat healthy. i drink 2 liters of water a day. i think soy products, nuts, fresh and dried fruits are my friends. yes, i eat meat, 4 oz lean meat at most a day. i really love fish – i buy “wild caught” fish. i don’t eat bread or potatoes. i do eat sweet potatoes and yams. i don’t eat desserts as a rule, once in a great while. i can’t remember the last time i ate a donut.

i do things i truly love. i love doing all my work/jobs. A balanced life is key to having something to give back to people. Work, play, take in some art, cum a lot every day, volunteer to assist people, be well rested, excercise – some of each during the week i found is good for my spirit and soul.

i keep positive, productive people around me. You would love all my friends, they are honest, supportive, fun and inspiring. Okay, so – they are also kinky, perverted and sadistic.

i haven’t done any drugs for over 18 years. i found i could give myself permission to do anything i wanted without them.

i take every day and use it to be the best me in every way i possibly can. i look at every day as the first day of the rest of my life. Everything is possible if i put my mind and will to it. i can forgive myself for my mistakes and learn from them and move forward.

seriously. as hookie as all that may sound, that is the truth.

If any of that is of value and useful to you, please incorporate it in your life and see if it works for you. If it doesn’t – i’m just a lucky woman, i guess, and this is what i look like. ;-D

Question:

Answer:

Expanding Limits is a process, a journey taken over time.  It doesn’t happen overnight.  Patience is a virtue in the bdsm partnership.

i would hope your relationship with your partner is built on a Master/submissive foundation.  i would hope that there is honesty, excellent-open-communication and trust.  In this type of relationship, limits can be expanded.

i didn’t always drink pee, not my own, let alone Masters. The first person to pee on me was my first Master.  He simply told me to go sit in the shower and i obeyed.  i was horrified yet deeping moved as the experience took place.  i think it is key to be able to communicate with your submissive that experiences include the “Oh my fucking God” and “this is unique for us to share”aspects.  Ultimately, your submissive is there to please you, obey you, explore with you.  That is why you are in a bdsm relationship together. Being marked this way by Master is very hot and erotic, part of the experience is being willing to be Master’s dirty-nasty-piss-whore.  Not everyone gives that much to their partner, that is what makes it so intimate and special to share together and it is not harmful to either person as long as each person is healthy.

i was given a homework assignment by Master on the subject of “Piss Drinking”.   i googled and read the facts, considered the information and wrote an essay.  It gave me hands on time to evaluate my feelings, considerations and motives regarding my limits on pee drinking.  Research expanded my view.  i don’ t drink just anyone’s piss, i drink mine and Masters.  i am pissed on by those Master says.

Watching porn with your partner can expand ideas on what is erotic and what one is willing to try.  Talk about what you are watching and what you think about what you are watching and how it turns you on together.

Expanding holes just takes time, perfect practice and lots-lots-lots of lube.  Get a good lube.  i recommend eros.  For anal, start with a small vibrator on the opening. When that feels good and you are comfortable, push in slightly.  When you are comfortable with a small vibrator going in, try wearing an anal plug and expanding the time you can wear the plug.  Then get a bigger vibrator and plug.  You get the idea.

Be safe.
Have fun!

Question:

I’m looking for a Dom. I have several internet sites i use to post a profile ad. How do I weed out the fuckwits?

Answer:

First of all, i recommend being very clear in your profile who you are and be clear as to what/who you are looking for. You can’t get what/who you want unless you know exactly what/whom that is. "What" being what kind of relationship, the perimeters, the content you are looking for. What it is that would make you excited to be in this relationship? "Who" being the qualities of a person you require. Some qualities are more important than others, be clear with yourself where you are willing to compromise. An intelligent, talented, witty man who is 5’10" instead of 6′ tall is still dateable in my book.

i am left questioning if are you looking for a Dom or a boyfriend who will be your Dom also? This is a very important difference. i am going to answer how to sort out Doms with experience versus those who have watched a video and said yahoo!

Look at it as a job interview. Ask questions. This is my personal list of questions when i’m interviewing for a Master:

thank you for your inquery.

If it pleases you to know me, Please send a picture.

If it pleases you to know me, please tell me:

How did you get into "the scene"?

(i look to see if they met someone or watched a video)

How long have you been in "the scene"?

(i look to see if they watched a video last week, last year, or did they apprentice with a Master or have been looking/exploring for 20 years.)

What is in your Toy Bag?

(i look to see if what they list is thumpy, hurty, shocky, bindy, pinchy or are there any sensual toys mentioned. Also, if they respond saying "what is a toy bag?" – just stop reading and go to the next prospect.)

What is your favorite weapon of choice?

(i look to see if it is a cane, because i’m special that way – you pick your favorite)

Do you have other submissives/slaves? If so, how many and what is your relationship with them?

(Ultimately, it only matters what your relationship with this person is. i like to know the frying pan i’m jumping into though and whether there are flames i’d like to avoid.)

If you are looking for a more rounded relationship, i suggest some questions like:

Your maritial status is?

Are you emotionally available?

What are your interests and passions outside of BDSM?

What would you like to share with me outside BDSM?

What makes your heart sing?

What moves your spirit?

For me, out of 900 responses for an ad on collarme dot com in three days, this eliminated the qualifying prospects to four. At this point the interview is over.

By the time you are on your first date, the conversation should be flowing and casual, asking about Him, what makes Him tick, topics that interest you and telling Him about you.

Best of luck in finding the Dom who is a good fit for you. Be patient.

~a

Question:

How do I care for my latex? Storage, any ways that work better than others? What are some of the best mixes or solutions you find that shines the latex the best?

Because i love wearing latex as a second skin, i love the yummy-sensual way i feel in latex, i love being dressed in latex by a man and i love that smile He wears when He sees me in latex. For all you latex fetish fans:

i wash my latex by hand. i set it out on a counter that i have covered in lint free towels and i wash it with a mild soap using a sponge. Then i rinse it well and dry it with a lint free towel. i use Irish linen towels.

i have heard of people putting their latex in a pillow case and using the gentle cycle on a washing machine with gentle hand wash machine soap. There were accolades of it being the cleanest their rubber has ever been.

Storage, any ways that work better than others?

My corsets, leggings, thongs are bagged in heavy plastic and placed flat in a drawer. My dresses are hung on plastic hanger and covered with a heavy plastic covering.

My latex clothes are from simon-O, westward bound, demask, and syren. They aren’t cheap and most are gifts – making them irreplaceable to me. These clothes are custom made for me. i’ve talked with the makers of these latex outfits regarding care and wearing. This is what i was told accross the board:

Use powder on your body under the latex clothing. If you use a silicone lube, it will gunk up and the silicone (being a large molecule) will push/work itself into your latex clothes seams as you move and tear the seams apart eventually. This is very bad.

For shine over the clothes, a silicone lube. Use Wet platinum body glide at $17.50 for 8.9 oz.. This isn’t your inner membranes needing a high quality lube you can heat up. There is no reason to spend $45 for the 8.9 oz of Eros. The silicone lube is just going to get rubbed off on everything and everybody you touch and you will just want to apply more.

Use that Eros lube on your inner membranes where you will get your moneys worth from it. ;-D

Question:

What makes a person a submissive (identity) as opposed to someone who likes kinky sex?

I have had submissive fantasies since … well, since I was a “user violation.” I’ve played a little with boyfriends and sexual partners, but we ever named it or got heavily into actions that might be called ‘hard-core”.

In life, I’m a confident and capable person. So, it has always been odd to have bottom-y/submissive sexual feelings coexisting with my general attitude that I don’t take shit from anyone.

I’m confused about what label I should apply to myself.  If I get myself into the right frame of mind, I can top, and have some fun topping, but it isn’t something I get hot and bothered about.  When submitting, I have no desire to submit to anyone who doesn’t see me as an equal. I like the idea of choosing to “play” submit to someone whom I share respect with. I like intense play that involves submission for the duration of a preset amount of time.

Am I a switch? Am I submissive? Do I just like kinky sex?

answer:

A submissive surrenders control of her body and behavior (sometimes with preset limits) to another for erotic play and a Dom is the person given control in a consensual exchange of power.

What is missing from this sentence and from your dialogue for me, is any mention of derived pleasure from being on either side.  You don’t speak of deriving sexual pleasure from the giving of pain, humiliation and/or domination. Nor do you don’t speak of deriving pleasure from giving service to a Dom.

Without that *zing* that floats your boat on either side, in my opinion, it is kinky sex.  and there is nothing wrong with liking that. 😉 

Have fun.  Be safe.